Communication is the key to express yourself in front of the entire world. World can be perceived differently by different people but I am not getting into that today. My major focus will be on the aspect of communication especially, the one part that I have been continuously experiencing and observing around myself.
Great people have defined communication as exchange of ideas, thoughts, emotions, etc. And of-course they are absolutely right. Well, there are books and everything else on communication and I am just a college student writing about this topic which may certainly raise some eyebrows. But in these few days, the people that I have been talking to, have shown me a very common yet a complicated side of communication that I literally had to just gulp my coffee up and keep listening. (That is another story that I like listening :P)
“Dude I am fed up now.” shouted Ria who was sitting across me in CCD.
“He just doesn’t have time for me. I am always the one who calls him, messages him, facebook him, whatsapp him and still, there is no proper response. He will talk for few minutes and then the phone goes silent.”
“What can I do?” I replied. I didn’t want to get into the relationship equation of these guys by any chance. I mean, first of all they don’t understand each other to a certain level and then they get into a relationship and when things go wrong, they blame each other.
“You just drink your coffee and don’t help me out here!” She got mad at me Dude, seriously? I thought.
“Listen up pretty girl. Firstly Rahul is a passionate dancer as far as I have known him. He has given certain commitments to that profession. Of course he will have less time for everything else. And he has to perform in different shows and competitions in different places, of course he won’t be able to take time out just to talk with you. And he has to make his career like us. You can’t mess with that.”
“Then what should I do?” asked the seriously in-the-crying-mode Ria.
“Well just talk to him. Tell him what you feel.”
“What?” She shouted again. “The very problem is that he has no time to talk and you want me to talk?”
“Yes! Tell him everything to you are feeling right now.” I replied
“Have you lost it? What if he feels sad about it? What if he feels that I don’t understand him? WHAT HE BREAKS UP WITH ME?”
Sorry to the women folklore that are reading this but I could make only one conclusion. Females are the most dramatically complicated beings ever! Like seriously. Firstly, you are having a problem with something. Then you want your best friend or whomever person to give you a solution or at least listen to you. And when we do give you a solution, you are all but complaining about it. I mean I understand things can be difficult but if you are literally suffering because of a person then it is your responsibility to talk to that respective person and get done with it. The least that can be done is expressing yourself. If you don’t talk, how will you ever get a response? In fact, the very person you are having problem with will always be unaware of it completely.
A person can’t just keep dragging thoughts within him/herself.
It will only diminish all the positive values and power within yourself.
It will make you lazy, outrageous and frustrated. You won’t be able to think about anything else but that thought.
Communicating to the concerned person is the key.
“Ria just listen to me for this once. It will work out. If you can’t talk then write everything that you feel in a piece of paper and give it to him. But let him know how you feel.”
All she said was, “okay, I will try.”
And we drank our coffee and went home.
The next day in college as I was getting out of the class for break “Hey, I have been wanting to see you for so long Mr Busy Bee.”
Yeah right! Out of the blue you meet me and call me busy bee in front of the entire corridor and laugh by yourself. Anyway I smiled and ignored the name given to me as she was my close friend, Devika.
“Yeah yeah! I messaged you twice few days ago but you didn’t reply”
I was actually angry at her. She will message me every time she needs some help and she will go off. And then she calls me a busy bee. What the hell?
“I am sorry.” She did it so cutely that, you guys understand right? 😉
“Allright. Let’s go outside now”
We went to the nearby food stall and as I was about to eat my first bite of my favorite sandwich, she made a long face. I thought about it. She had her own sandwich. I didn’t even take a bite from it neither did I pulled her leg for a while. Then what’s the problem?
“Hey Devika. What happened?” I asked.
“I don’t know man. You know how I want to go to the US and pursue my studies right?” I felt relieved. It was not me after all.
“Yeah of course I remember. We had a long discussion on it. And I even told you my plans. So what about it?” I asked
“The problem is I won’t be allowed to go to US by my parents.” She answered
This is another societal thinking that we have in our country. Daughters are looked upon as a liability. Earlier people didn’t even used to educate them. And now they want their girls to get a local degree so that the guy finds her fit enough to marry her and take her home or if the girl wants to pursue further studies she is asked to study in a place nearby fully having the knowledge that the faculty and everything else that a reputed college will give is no match to that local college. Still, that is her place.
“Just talk with your parents. Tell them that you want to pursue further studies. And Devika as far as I have known you, you are brilliant at academics and completely deserve to go wherever you want.”
“They won’t listen to me. Dad is like “I will get you into XYZ College and you can study here. No need to go anywhere” Mom supports me but Dad’s approval is of utmost importance.
“See Devika. These are all excuses that we make. If a person wants to achieve something then he has to be determined and get to it no matter what.” I replied
“It is not that simple you know.” She made a sad face again.
I thought for a while. Devika is actually a decent and intelligent girl. Her parents should have no problem at all. Then why don’t they understand her. Don’t know her viewpoints. Then it struck me.
“Devi do you talk to your parents? Like in general. Do you have discussions with them?”
“No. I mean I come to college, go home, study for a while and you know how I like to laze around and sleep and I have my food afterwards and I sleep”
“So in short, you don’t talk to your parents?”
“Yeah. You can say that. I mean dad comes late and by the time he comes I sleep. Mom too is busy with her job. But you know, I had recently asked him if I could go with my friends to Bangalore for a few days and he straight away rejected.”
“What else do you expect him to do? Devika on a serious note, your parents are not allowing you because they think that you haven’t become mature. That you are still the little girl and they only want you to be safe.”
“But…” Devika tried to talk but I interrupted
“Listen to me. Until and unless you talk with your parents, they won’t understand you. You should tell them about what happens with you in college. Not all the stuff, but something that you would share with a close someone. Ask them about how their day at the office. Talk to them about the course you are currently doing and its scope. Just talk with them. A person understands someone else only by his actions and when he talks and conveys his ideas and thoughts. Simple example is us. We have talked and discussed so many things that now we know each other properly. You know the kind of person and I am and vice versa. Why did this happen? You have the answer.”
We people have been given the brain, the heart, the language. And still we want to keep quiet. Why? And that too with one of the most important persons of our lives.
I am not an expert but I have learnt this through my personal experience. Today when I tell my dad that I want to do business, he supports me. He knows that I have the capability and guts to do it. He came to know only when I spoke about my dreams, when I showed him my determination and hard work. When I talked with him.
Today we have so many facilities, so many services.
All we need to do is talk. Express ourselves. Know each other. And I can guarantee it to you that you will never have a sour relationship with anyone in your life. But yeah, I am not responsible if you talk in a nonsensical way 😛 .
By the way, these two girls messaged me on the very next day that things are starting to get worked out.
Ria and Rahul have sorted their relation while Devika has managed to talk to her parents and they seemed to be very happy with her new behavior.
P.S – I have changed the name of the girls for privacy purposes.