There they were. Sitting in the canteen area of my college. Once, I was amongst them. A part of their gang. But now, things are not the same. I looked at them. They looked at me. Ignorance is really a bliss, I thought and so, I went my way.
In my life till now, a period of almost twenty years, I have changed a lot of schools, a lot of localities, a lot of homes and I have added and removed a lot many people in my life. This process has been very smooth and easy for me. I can leave a person stranded in the middle of nowhere, however close the person is and it will not affect me. At all.
Whenever I got into a fight with someone close to me or someone who had, at that particular moment, importance in my life, I never went to them and started a conversation. I could never get myself to apologize, to be the first one to initiate the talk. Few of the people who are reading this and know me, may not believe this bit as they know that I am an extrovert, a matured and simple person. But this is the truth.
Until now, it never bothered to me because frankly, people weren’t significant to me, it was the situations which mattered, the time that mattered. Unconsciously I had this thing in my mind that I have plethora of options in people. If someone leaves me, I can go with or share the same relation with another person.
Initially, while I was thinking about all of this, introspecting myself, I thought that I have a big ego. There wasn’t any justification for having such an ego. I am not a star, not a big business man nor a VIP. But soon I was made realize that ego wasn’t the problem, because ego was not the element that made me not go and talk, ego was not the element because of which I never initiated the talk, it was fear and insecurity.
Fear of what impression the person will form of me, insecurity of that person putting me down, showing me the road downhill, being the ruthless one. And due to this fear and insecurity my brain always prepared me to leave the person and to leave the situation that occurred because of the fight, as it is. Because you leaving a person is a better thing, than them going away and leaving you stranded.
Thanks to a few people currently in my life who made me realize that what I am doing will actually create a bigger problem in the future.
They made me realize that people are important and people have the power to change the situations and to change the time.
Just to be clear, when I say people, they are – my friends, family, classmates, acquaintances, etc.
I always knew that the fights can be resolved, the problems can be easily handled, mistakes need to be accepted but it was – going to the person and initiating that conversation, apologizing – that was the most difficult step for me.
Of course, every change never is an over-night result. It takes time and it takes the guts to implement the change. And I have started my journey towards the change and have taken another step to become a better person.